Columbus and Other Polacks

You may have heard about the new theory regarding the origin of the official discoverer of America, Christopher Columbus. A researcher thinks, he may have been a son of a Polish king:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/poland/8166041/Christopher-Columbus-was-son-of-Polish-king.html
http://tiny.pl/hw8dv

And there is a new "Polish joke" already: "No wonder he missed India by many thousands of miles! Yes, Just Another Stupid Polack". Really funny, I have to admit. That is as long as you are naive enough to still believe that Columbus was actually sent to find an alternate route to India. It is quite obvious now, that his true objective was to work out the sailing route to America. The Vikings had known it. Knights Templar had known it. A bunch of people must have known it at the time. However, there were powers in Europe whose kings and queens had an idea about the existence of America and the abundance of its gold, among other things, but they did not know how to get there and lay their hands on it all. That is why they sent that extremely well educated and brave man on a top-secret mission. The mission was so secret that the cover for it, "looking for a sea route to India", had to be used even for the crewmen themselves! And they did well. However, if you look at it now, from today's perspective of the corporate world, Columbus seems to have been a real gull. He was loyal, he did his job, and he did not double-cross the people he worked for. Yep! A stupid Polack indeed.

However, if you look long enough, history is full of stupid Polacks. Let us consider a few examples of the most prominent ones:

- The July 15, 1410 Battle of Grunwald ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Grunwald ). Polish and Lithuanian knights and infantry, commanded by Polish King Wladyslaw Jagiello, defeated the German Knights of the Teutonic Order (really bad guys enjoying burning villages, murdering their inhabitants, raping women, robbing whatever they could lay their hands on, and all that while pretending to be Catholic monks!). As a result Germans had to wait another 500 years before they could start thinking about reviving the Nazi spirit again. Too bad; if it had not been for the stupid Polacks, we would all have been speaking German and driving Audis or Porsches by now!

- Copernicus. When he published his work entitled "De revolutionibus orbium coelestium" (On the Revolutions of the Celestial Spheres, 1543) he was one of those Poles who "missed their opportunity to keep quiet". Instead of keeping his knowledge secret, just like the Egyptian priests did, he decided to reveal it to everyone. Once people learned the truth, they could no longer be threatened with eclipses, since they knew it was a natural phenomenon and not a punishment from the powers-that-be. And Copernicus did not charge for the information. What a stupid Polack!

- The September 11, 1683 Battle of Vienna, also referred to as Siege of Vienna ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Vienna ). Polish Cavalry commanded by King Jan III Sobieski defeated the Turks and prevented a Muslim takeover of Europe three centuries before the Germans and the French changed their minds and decided Muslim domination was better for them after all. Stupid Polacks! They cost those poor Western Europeans 300 years of struggle and hesitation, and in the meantime, shortly after being saved from the Muslims, Austria and Prussia were so grateful they decided to be kind enough to help Russia take over Poland and make it disappear from the maps of Europe for over a century. Those Poles would have been better off striking a deal with the Turks and sharing the continent. Besides the Germans have always wanted their land to become a Turkish territory anyway. They just did not know it yet at the time. And they were simply confused by the mean and paranoid Poles, who constantly wanted to defend their Faith and Civilization, which was "so not cool", as we know it today. Stupid Polacks indeed!

To be continued...

Bid like a Pro

You have probably seen ads for those "miracle auction" websites, where you can buy a $2500 HDTV for $70, or a $500 smartphone for $15. The deals sound bee-honey-sweet, right? Well, if you have not purchased your bid package yet, then perhaps you want to read this first.

Unlike regular auction services, like eBay, where you pay for the actual products you purchase, with the "sweet deal" websites you pay for bidding itself, regardless of whether you actually win or lose the auction. Here is a simple example on how it works.

Typically you need to purchase a bid package, at say $1 per bid. Now, assume the auction starts at $0.01 and the price goes up by one cent per bid. At the end of the auction the HDTV is sold for $70.02, which means it has taken 7001 bids for the price to reach the final amount. Now, let us assume 3 bidders participated in that auction and it went like this:

Bid 0001 by Bidder A takes the price to $0.02
Bid 0002 by Bidder B takes the price to $0.03
Bid 0003 by Bidder A takes the price to $0.04
Bid 0004 by Bidder B takes the price to $0.05
...
Bid 6997 by Bidder A takes the price to $69.98
Bid 6998 by Bidder B takes the price to $69.99
Bid 6999 by Bidder A takes the price to $70.00
Bid 7000 by Bidder B takes the price to $70.01
Bid 7001 by Bidder C takes the price to $70.02

As we can see, Bidders A and B placed 3500 bids each and Bidder C placed just one bid. In other words Bidders A and B spent $3500 each (the total of $7000) so that Bidder C could buy the $2500 HDTV for $71.02, which is the final price of $70.02 plus $1 for his single bid.

Sounds cool, doesn't it? The auction service owners and Bidder C must be really happy. Bidders A and B? Well, not so much.

Want to bid like a pro? Here is what you do:

Go to a real auction service, like eBay. Search for the item you want to purchase. Check the seller's feedback, and continue searching in case they have less than 99% of positive feedback. Make sure you know how much you are willing to spend on the item. Then place a bid and set your maximum price to the difference between what you can spend on the item and the posted shipping cost. Then simply log out and wait for an email from the auction service. Either you have won and you can pay for your item, or you can start searching for another auction.

Here are some additional tips:

1. Sometimes you can get a great deal on high-end products from a seller who does not have any feedback yet. It is risky, so only recommended if you can inspect the item in person prior to placing a bid.

2. Sometimes sellers make mistakes while listing items, and because of that very few people see their listings. Be smart in your searches. E.g. when you are looking for a "Pioneer Elite Laserdisc Player" try searching for "Elite Laserdisc Player", "Elite LD Player", "Laserdisc Player", "LD Player", and so on. It may happen that someone who is selling it may list it as "Pioner Elite Laserdisc Player" or even "Panasonic Elite LD Player", and if you are lucky, you may be the only bidder.

3. If you like thrills and adrenaline, you may try placing your bids within the last few seconds before the auction ends. If you set the limit high enough, your chance of winning may be better this way, since bidders often increase their limits only once they learn they have been outbid.

Timesharing? No problem!

Are you one of those people who always drop their personal information in that bin they put in malls, usually next to a shiny, beautiful sedan or sports coupe? "Never say never". "Every sweepstake must have a winner". Then you probably wonder why, instead of winning a beautiful new car, you are called and asked to attend a Timesharing presentation? And then I suppose a $50 department store gift card, just for attending, sounds quite attractive...

Or, you may be one of those people who enjoy places with many beautiful resorts, like Las Vegas for example. Say you just arrive at your hotel / casino and being a James Bond follower, who "takes pleasure in great beauty", you suddenly wish you could save money on that great new sexy show. Luckily, no matter where you walk, you are approached by the respective Timeshare marketers. Free tickets for the show of your choice, in exchange for attending the presentation, sounds cool too. Especially if you do not feel like gambling and losing too much money before hitting that buffet for lunch. After all it is better to consume the free liquor after you have eaten...

Well, one way or another you eventually find yourself in front of a friendly timeshare sales person. And they are OK with you telling them up front that you are here only for the gift, and besides you are sure you cannot afford to buy their product anyway. Still they want you to go through all the stages before you can leave with your gift card or show tickets voucher. Sounds fair.

What you need to know is how to say "no" in a way that is not confrontational and that will not rob you of your dignity. Logical arguments to support your decision usually work great. And in order to achieve that you will need to know the 3 key figures:

- Unit Price,
- Property Tax,
- Maintenance Fees.

On top of that you need to know the Property Tax Rate. It is best to know that prior to showing up for the presentation so that you do not have to ask them about it.

What do you do with the numbers? It is very simple actually. Say, the Unit Price is $100,000, the Property Tax is $100, the Annual Maintenance Fee is $150, and you know that the Property Tax rate is 1 percent. You calculate the taxed value of the unit as Property Tax divided by the Tax Rate, so in this case it is $100 / 0.01 = $10,000.

Then it comes down to the following:

Sales Person: Why not?
You: Well, based on the Property Tax amount and the rate around here, you are trying to sell me $10,000 worth of property for $100,000. Don't you think the margin is way too high here?
Sales Person: Please note that you are buying more than just a piece of a building. It is actually a resort with a lot of employees. So what you are buying is a share in a business.
You: In this case, why do I have to pay the Maintenance Fees of $150 per year? I thought they would cover the employees' salaries and the whole operation. Besides, if I am to buy a share in a business then I should expect to be paid dividends, correct?
Sales Person: You have to understand that it does not work like that.
You: I understand, and this is why you have to give me my gift card / show tickets voucher now, because the answer is still "no".

If they still want to harass you at this point, you may also want to throw in the following.

You: Besides, with all the foreclosures around here, I can easily buy a few condos or a nice house for the same price, and use them any time I wish, all year round.

Of course the sooner you manage to obtain your "free gift" and get out of their office, the better for you. After all it is about the Art of Sharing Time - in this case sharing your precious time with a sales person.

Water Too Hard?

You just moved in to your new house and it turns out the first person to welcome you is your local sales guy for a company that makes water treatment systems. All he is asking for is an hour of your time and on top of that he is offering a set of super sharp kitchen knives for just seeing him. Which is kind of cool, as you recall you lost all your sharp knives when you happened to pass by that FED building, where, as you found out, they printed that hot banking and corporate bailout money to be spent on executive bonuses...

Well, your new knives look cool. The guy has just paid for getting intimate with you. First of all he is going to test the quality of your tap water and somehow it always turns out to be really bad. Bad for your skin. Bad for your health. Bad for your clothes. Bad for your appliances. And bad for your finances. And you start suspecting that guy can really save you. Then he will ask you a few questions. All he needs to know is how much you spend annually on soaps, shampoos, detergents, and so on. Then he tells you that you have to spend that much just because your water is too hard, and you will spend a fraction of that once you make your water soft. And then it will not damage your appliances and your clothes when you wash them.

All you have to know is that the machine costs only a few grand and you will break even after a number of years by just saving on soaps and detergents. And they will even throw in a free kitchen set to filter your tap water before you drink it or prepare food with it. Sounds really cool, doesn't it?

Not really. What you do need to know is what kind of maintenance the equipment will need and how much it is going to cost you on an annual basis. Amazingly, in most cases it will be way more than you actually spend on soaps and detergents.

Now you are probably thinking that my point is that you should not buy it. Well, not really. The decision is yours. But you need to know what questions to ask and what kind of numbers you are really looking at. And then, of course, you may choose to enjoy your rain-soft tap water as well as your new Chinese kitchen knives, which, by the way, will probably last several months, as long as you are really careful while using them...