Monday, December 6, 2010

Columbus and Other Polacks

You may have heard about the new theory regarding the origin of the official discoverer of America, Christopher Columbus. A researcher thinks, he may have been a son of a Polish king:


And there is a new "Polish joke" already: "No wonder he missed India by many thousands of miles! Yes, Just Another Stupid Polack". Really funny, I have to admit. That is as long as you are naive enough to still believe that Columbus was actually sent to find an alternate route to India. It is quite obvious now, that his true objective was to work out the sailing route to America. The Vikings had known it. Knights Templar had known it. A bunch of people must have known it at the time. However, there were powers in Europe whose kings and queens had an idea about the existence of America and the abundance of its gold, among other things, but they did not know how to get there and lay their hands on it all. That is why they sent that extremely well educated and brave man on a top-secret mission. The mission was so secret that the cover for it, "looking for a sea route to India", had to be used even for the crewmen themselves! And they did well. However, if you look at it now, from today's perspective of the corporate world, Columbus seems to have been a real gull. He was loyal, he did his job, and he did not double-cross the people he worked for. Yep! A stupid Polack indeed.

However, if you look long enough, history is full of stupid Polacks. Let us consider a few examples of the most prominent ones:

- The July 15, 1410 Battle of Grunwald ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Grunwald ). Polish and Lithuanian knights and infantry, commanded by Polish King Wladyslaw Jagiello, defeated the German Knights of the Teutonic Order (really bad guys enjoying burning villages, murdering their inhabitants, raping women, robbing whatever they could lay their hands on, and all that while pretending to be Catholic monks!). As a result Germans had to wait another 500 years before they could start thinking about reviving the Nazi spirit again. Too bad; if it had not been for the stupid Polacks, we would all have been speaking German and driving Audis or Porsches by now!

- Copernicus. When he published his work entitled "De revolutionibus orbium coelestium" (On the Revolutions of the Celestial Spheres, 1543) he was one of those Poles who "missed their opportunity to keep quiet". Instead of keeping his knowledge secret, just like the Egyptian priests did, he decided to reveal it to everyone. Once people learned the truth, they could no longer be threatened with eclipses, since they knew it was a natural phenomenon and not a punishment from the powers-that-be. And Copernicus did not charge for the information. What a stupid Polack!

- The September 11, 1683 Battle of Vienna, also referred to as Siege of Vienna ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Vienna ). Polish Cavalry commanded by King Jan III Sobieski defeated the Turks and prevented a Muslim takeover of Europe three centuries before the Germans and the French changed their minds and decided Muslim domination was better for them after all. Stupid Polacks! They cost those poor Western Europeans 300 years of struggle and hesitation, and in the meantime, shortly after being saved from the Muslims, Austria and Prussia were so grateful they decided to be kind enough to help Russia take over Poland and make it disappear from the maps of Europe for over a century. Those Poles would have been better off striking a deal with the Turks and sharing the continent. Besides the Germans have always wanted their land to become a Turkish territory anyway. They just did not know it yet at the time. And they were simply confused by the mean and paranoid Poles, who constantly wanted to defend their Faith and Civilization, which was "so not cool", as we know it today. Stupid Polacks indeed!

To be continued...
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